“You aren’t a real mom unless you have children. You’ll never know what motherhood is like until you have a kid. You’ll be a great mom some day – you’re such a good pet mom!” These are things you should never say to a dedicated dog mom, especially when she doesn’t want children. They are offensive and disrespectful. Just because someone is female doesn’t mean she has to bear children…
Happy Mother’s Day to ALL of the moms out there. Whether you have human, dog, cat, reptile, bird or horse (the list goes on) kids. I respect my (few) friends with human children as much as I respect my friends with animal children. In fact, a lot of my dog mom friends treat their dogs better than a lot of moms treat human children.
For anyone who thinks that dog moms aren’t “real moms,” I beg to differ for the following reasons:
- I clean up poop, vomit, muddy floors, de-stuffed toys and put toys away in the toy box 10 times a day.
- Just as human kids go to the doctor, I take my animals to the vet for regular check ups and when they are sick.
- I take my dogs on road trips. A lot of families travel with their kids – I travel with my dogs (and they are much easier…)
- My dogs have play dates.
- My dogs do sports and other extra curricular activities such as modeling.
- My day revolves around my dogs. I’ll never make a decision without my dogs in mind.
- We go on outings with friends.
- Dogs have to learn just as human kids do. It just looks different. I teach my dogs everyday.
- I watch what my dogs are eating – I feed them nutritious meals and make sure they get exercise.
- I proudly display all of Wynston’s trophies, ribbons and awards, just as any mom would do!
- I take my dogs to see Santa Claus and the Easter bunny.
- I throw my dogs birthday parties.
Dog moms are “real” moms. What can you add to the list of reasons why this is true?!
Sabina Ayne says
My mom has only fur children and she is happy! When she was younger a lot of people were mean to her because she didn’t give birth ti any human babies, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have children. She wants me to tell you one thing you left out was when fur children go to the Rainbow Bridge, or pass from this world to the next, the grief is just as real and deep and long lasting sometimes. She still grieves the loss of two of her fur children. And they been gone for along time now. But she is happy! Happy Mother’s Day.
Amanda says
That is a very good thing to add – the grief of losing our animals is just as real and deep. You are absolutely right. It’s sad that people can be so cruel to those of us who choose not to have human babies! Happy Mother’s Day to your mom!
Karen Chargo says
I am a fur mom! I chose to not have children as you did! I rescue dogs, foster dogs and adopt the fur children that no one seems to want. They may be ugly to most, but they are the most precious gift from God to me in my eyes, besides my husband. I have been called eccentric, weird, odd and have been ridiculed for thinking my dogs are as real as children. My Lamby has no eyes and people gasp when they see her. I felt bad as a real mom would. I bought her sunglasses so you would not see her eyes and saw the beauty of her. Having as many dogs as we have had and have is “not normal” I been told that by my very own parents until one day, I told them, and continue to tell them “You had 8 children! Why is it so different?” I have been at business dinners with my husband his client and wife. They happily tell me all about there children. I had nothing in common and felt odd half the time. They felt as odd with us since, we did not have children. Then one day I started to talk about my kids. But, I left out they were dogs. I was tired of seeing the pictures on the cell phones and always having the same result from woman. “Shallow” …So, when they started talking about there kids, I went right into it it! I dove in! My husband looked at me as if I was walking a thin line. I would tell them how amazing they were.! How many challenges they had to over come. How they would make me laugh. How when we go out of the country it made us sad to leave them behind. Worrying to death that are they being treated right. At the end of this I would show them pictures, just like they did. Yup! I would bust out the phone. My husband use to have the picture on his desk and all of his kids. They would laugh and it would break the ice. They would most times realize that I love my kids just like there kids. I have 4 amazing deaf and blind children. As far as my parents, well they just will never understand and that is ok. There Grand babies have fur, they get dressed most everyday with a new outfit I made them. Jeans, coats when it is cold shirts with ruffle sleeves and all. My sisters understand, which gives us a special bond and wish me a Happy Mothers day and well as my husband every year. I even named one of my kids after my sisters. It’s nice when someone understands..I have mainly older friends, much older then I. I found that parents go through the “Empty Nest syndrome” and they end up getting a dog. That dog becomes there child. They are the ones who understand us the most. God Bless everyone and thank you again Amanda!
Amanda says
You’re a God send Karen 🙂 Isn’t it sad that people can be so heartless and gasp at a dog with no eyes?! I mean, would a person gasp at a person with no eyes? No. They would at least feel a little bit of empathy! How is it any different? And you’re right…how is having 8 dogs different than having 8 children?! I always talk about “my kids.” My phone, computer and house is flooded with pictures of them. Frankly, I wish more people treated animals the way we do. That’s why I blog – so we can educate people on how precious an animal’s life is and how they deserve to be treated with the utmost kindness and respect. They are not things – they are living beings with feelings and souls. It sounds like your husband is a great man. Matt is the same way. He tells everyone about our animals and brags about them all the time! It’s such a blessing. Thanks for sharing your story Karen. I’ve found that so many of my readers can definitely relate to us.
Lauren Miller (ZoePhee) says
This is a topic near and dear to my heart. My inlaws are those people you just described and it aggravates me so much. So basically, “AMEN! SISTA!!!!” Seriously.
Amanda says
Glad we’re in there together! It’s very aggravating, especially when people like in-laws refuse to understand!
Jen Gabbard says
All of the things we do for our pets really does add up to a lot – and just like with parents of human children there’s a lot of “great” parents out there that take those extra steps to ensure their children 0 be it human or pet – are happy, healthy, and living a good life. I agree completely.
Jeanne Melanson says
I’m an animal mom too. At the moment, I have one dog, one cat, and one lizard. It’s good enough for me. They keep me busy and on my toes, and I care deeply for them. Thanks for the write-up. It’s so true! Peace out.
DZ Dogs says
Oh yes, same boat here!
Hubby and I decided before we got married that we didn’t think we wanted any human kids. 5 years later we haven’t changed our mind, thankfully we have a pretty awesome family and they have been great about accepting it.
My parents are wonderful grandpawrents, my inlaws are great for helping us out in a bind but we try not to bother them too much (they hate animal hair).
I love my furbabies with my whole heart and we work hard to make sure they are well mannered, well trained, happy, healthy, and well balanced. 🙂
You might like the post I did a while back on the topic, Dogs vs. Children: http://www.dzdogs.com/2015/01/dogs-vs-children.html
Cindy says
Nope. Sorry. What’s showing in this post is your lack of understanding about what being mom is, probably because you’re not a mom. That is not a statement of disrespect or judgement on your decision not to have children. However, when you make the decision to not have children, you don’t retain the right to call yourself a mom. I chose not to go to medical school, so I don’t get to call myself a doctor. When someone says to me, “Hey, you’re not a doctor,” they are simply stating a fact, not putting me down or disrespecting my decision.
Having a pet as a companion does indeed mimic some of the care that is required in actual parenting, but that’s where the similarity ends.
What you can’t know unless you have human children are all the other emotions that come along with parenting. The fear, pain, repeated heartbreak, worry, exhaustion, conflict, anger, confusion, self-doubt, self-loathing, intense hope, intense disappointment and oh my god the continuous holding and letting go. It’s an odyssey that leaves you with only one badge of honor and nothing much left of your tattered ship.
I have only raised two children, but I have shared my life with many dogs. There simply is no comparison. It’s not about one being better than the other, there is simply no way to compare the two.
So, I will add to your list what you WON’T have to do as a pet owner:
* Your dog will never need you to teach him how to walk, speak his own language, do math, negotiate human emotions and relationships (adult dogs are developmentally the same as a 2 year old, according to science) or any other complex human stuff.
*You will never have to feel the deep and horrible pain of seeing your dog have it’s heart broken.
*You will never have to let your dog go out into the world to fend for himself without you. This is BIG. Kindergarten, middle school, high school and the big heart break of moving away from you completely to go to college, maybe get married and maybe have children of their own.
*You will never have to worry that your dog is out doing drugs, getting drunk, having unprotected sex, being kidnapped, raped or beat up.
*You will never have to go to Alanon as you navigate the treacherous waters of your child’s addiction issues. You’ll never have to learn about anorexia as you helplessly watch your child waste away. You will never have to talk to your dog about safe sex and birth control.
*Your dog will never call you crying and expect you to be ready to deal with all of their problems while they cry on the phone for hours.
*You will never have to send your dog off to school even when their friends are being mean to them and your heart is breaking because there is nothing you can do but give them advice and tell them to be brave.
*When it comes to sports, your dog will never feel like a loser if they aren’t good enough, fast enough or don’t win the trophy.
*Your dog will never be arrested.
*Your dog will never slam his bedroom door and yell, “I hate you!”
*Your dog will never not be asked to the dance, invited to the party, picked for the team or elected to the student council.
The list of challenges you will never have to deal with is long. I’ll stop there.
I love my dogs. I love them deeply. However, there is no way in the universe that caring for them, loving them or even losing them is the same as raising a child. My relationship with my dogs are important and valuable to my life. The fact that they are not the same as parenting doesn’t cheapen them a bit. Pretending that they are, however, reduces motherhood to nothing more than care, pride, fun and the final loss. Motherhood deserves more respect than that.
Amanda says
Sorry that you felt the need to write such an extensive comment. However, you most definitely reminded me why I don’t have human children – so I don’t have to deal with “fear, pain, repeated heartbreak, worry, exhaustion, conflict, anger, confusion, self-doubt, self-loathing, intense hope, intense disappointment and oh my god the continuous holding and letting go.” And how dare you tell me that I will never have to go to Alanon as I navigate the treacherous waters of addiction. Did you ever think that maybe I go through those things with other people in my life and I choose not to go through that with children? You’re acting like I’ll never experience any of that stress when I’ve experienced it all at some point in my life, whether it was me or someone I love… What you did was prove once again why I don’t want human children 🙂 So thanks for the reminder!
P.S – Here’s an article for you to read, written by a mother of human children. Perhaps you’ll be enlightened. Article here.
Karen C says
Very Well Said Amanda! I was going to say that Cindy proved your point quite well as a matter of fact! The comments must have com in on this one and you just did not post them all.
Cindy, I am sorry that you do not have that “Special Bond”. I did not have children as a choice! A choice to “Break the Chain”! The chain of addiction! you sit accross from me as I sit at the same round tables for you to understand me. You are the same person who looks at my Lamby (child) with no eyes and gasps.. The Horror of a child poking a 5 pound dogs eyes out with a pencil, then teaching them how to trust humans. I go through this daily! Teaching them to walk and understand commands by vibration when the y are deaf and bind. I am the one who flies across the country to save a dog with behavior issues , so they will not kill him. To spend countless hours of worry if we can actually reach the dog that a human has abused! A ” 2 year old mentality” you state. I have not seen too many 2 year old’s drag a human out of a fire. Or rescue them when they have seizures.. My dogs nor anyone’s will stand up and say “I hate you” . Instead they say that ” I do not trust you”, because of a human abused me. I have many of physical and mental scars to prove that. But, the unconditional LOVE that I get or another rescuer receives when you reach a dog is maybe something you will never get to experience. But, when I rehabilitate these dogs and send them to new families. Like your children to college, I worry. I worry a great deal! I cry and break down just like you did. Are they going to handle this dog with care and compassion? Will they be able to meet their needs? Financially, physically, morally ans spiritually? Yes! ALL THESE THINGS. Having to “let go” and “Let God” is one of the hardest thing we all face. a dog, a child. Its all the same. I fight the same addictions with these dogs as you do with your children. Right down to rehabs and shrinks, and behaviorists. So, my kids are like your kids. You just can not understand that. That is okay. But, the so called “facts” that you state are not facts at all! Your scientific facts break down. A dog can save a life and they sure saved mine. For that I will be forever grateful and will continue to save them. You can keep your kids. I cause sweetie I have enough issues of my own to deal with! Sure you heard of that before! When we lay our problems out on the table! You will be the first person to take them back.. Again, Thank you so much Cindy for sharing keep coming it will get better! – God Bless!
Amanda says
Amen Karen. Amen. Couldn’t have said it better. You’re right – people like that will never understand with their closed minds.
Liz says
I love my dogs. I’m crazy about them. Our walls are covered in beautiful action shots of them competing. Plaques, trophies, and ribbons are proudly displayed. We plan vacations with our dogs in mind. I have logged close to 100,000 miles driving my dogs to events. I would do just about anything to insure their wellbeing,
BUT, they are not what makes me a mom. My two-year-old daughter makes me a mom. Mom is a title you earn. Be it through adoption or gestation, it is a journey that surpasses anything you can imagine.
Would you claim a title your dog did not earn? Stop claiming a title you did not earn.
Amanda says
Motherhood is also something you volunteer for. You didn’t “earn” a title. You chose that life.
Stop being so close minded, and become enlightened with this article:
http://www.salon.com/2015/05/08/sorry_about_mothers_day_my_childfree_girlfriends_moms_arent_any_more_special_or_unselfish_than_you/
Liz says
Uhm…that article is about not being considered less of a woman for not having kids. Not claiming motherhood when you are childless. And yes, I signed up for motherhood, just like I signed my dogs up for flyball. And my dogs raced, and earned their titles. And I grew a human, gave birth, and care for a infant. They have their titles, which they earned. I have mine. Mom.
But, since I want the ADCh title for my dogs, I’ll just write to USDAA and AKC, and tell them, my dogs watched agility, they’ve gone to CynoSport, they can jump over things, and they do something similar (but not really) so they totally deserve the title. What do you think? Shall I tell them how close minded they are and send them a totally unrelated article? Think they’ll go for it?
You. Are. Not. A. Mom.
Cathy Armato says
SO well said, Amanda! Thank you for posting this. I truly feel like a “real” mom and always have with all the pets I’ve loved & nurtured over the years. I have been called “selfish” because I chose not to have human kids; my reasons for that are my own and no one has the right to judge me for choosing to be a pet mom instead. I do all the things you listed in your post and more, in my eyes I am a MOM. Period.
Love & Biscuits,
Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them
Amanda says
You are a mom. And a great one at that! I think it’s funny that people call us selfish for not having human children. I think they are just jealous that we had the strength to stand against societal pressures and do what makes us happy!
Karen C says
Now, I have to “Earn” the right to be a mom? Really? Say that to a K-9 officer, that just took the criminal off the street to save you! Tell the Officer that his K-9 (Dog) that it is not his Partner or that the K-9 (Dog) Officer is not a “Real” Policemen! Tell that to the Judge when he arrests you (God forbid) and sentences a person who hurts or kills that dog! You will get the same time/sentence! Hmmm… How does that happen? Since, that dog is considered a “REAL” Police Officer! They give them retirement benefits, a party and even a proper burial like an officer! Wow! go figure! How about the Military? That K-9 is a “REAL” Soldier! His partner can and usually does suffer from PTSD if his “Partner” (just like a police Officer) is killed in action. So, are these real? Your Government of the highest Authority believes so! Can you believe a Dog has the same rights as you? If a dog is bad he does go to jail. If he is found guilty he is usually placed out of service or sentenced the death penalty.. Do not disrespect me as a Mom of dogs because your animal does not have 4 legs! You seem to be the type of person that if they saw a dog hit in the road, you would ask to have your animals turn their heads not to look as you drive by. Instead of doing the right thing and see if that dog is okay, call a vet and try to get a hold of the owner. Even if it did come out of your pocket. But, I would never drive by your animal with 2 legs and ask to have my 4 legged animals with my husband turn there head! I would reach out as a Mom who understands that this is someones love, someones child and would hope that they would do the same for mine someday (God forbid). Compassion… Compassion is all it takes to be a MOM to be a Dad, a decent person. Compassion for another living being…. You hurt me! When you say respect and I have to earn a title. In order for me to “respect” you , you must “earn” it. It’s a title. Seriously… If a TITLE means that much too you, that you have to disrespect and look down at others then you are a very sad person inside and out. . I put my pants on 1 leg at a time just like you just like the richest, and the person living under a bridge! You are no better then I nor am I any better then the person living under the bridge. It only takes one split second for our lives to change, good or bad.
Liz, Cindy- I leave you with this: COMPASSION for one another, for a living being, accepted responsibility and try to make a difference in life as a whole. Your life will change for the better!
Liz says
It’s not a matter of compassion. It’s not a matter of love. I get that you love your dogs. That’s awesome and wonderful. I love my dogs too. But they are not my children. They are loved. We are partner s and a team in almost everything I do, and I do not devalue anyone’s relationship with their dog. Dogs (or any animals that serves) are wonder, valued members of our military and polices. Services dogs enable people with a disability to live normal lives. They are awesome. I love dogs. But a dog is not a child. Period. And owning a dog does not make you a mother. Period. These are facts. You are devaluing your relationship with your dog by trying to make it something it’s not. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids, to not want to be a mom. There is nothing wrong with having dogs, instead of kids. There is something wrong with claiming to be something your not.
And say what you will about the type of person I am. You’re wrong. But calling me names or accusing me of things still doesn’t validate your point. You. Are. Not. A. Mom. And you are the sad one. You are so, pathetically desperate for validation that you are willing to claim to be something you are not. Enjoy your delusions.
Karen C says
Thank for your game of Semantics Liz! You and Clinton will get along just fine! For me? I AM A HAPPY MOM! Would not give my life up for nothing! I pray that ALL DOG MOMMIES are just as “Sad” (per Liz) as I am! Have a great day all!
Thanks Amanda! You Truly are a Mom in my eyes! High Paw!
Amanda says
It’s funny that Liz thinks she has the right to tell us what we are and are not, Karen. I don’t go around telling people what they can and cannot be or call themselves. Such a pity that there is such self righteousness in this world. If not having human children is sad, I wonder what it’s like to have human children. Really freaking depressing I’m guessing!!!!!!!!! It also sounds like Liz is the one desperate for validation because she’s wants to continue to tell us that we are not moms. Someone has low self esteem….
P.S – I never said my dog was a child. So that point is invalid.
LeeAnna Paylor says
Thanks for this post… those of us with furbabies, ARE parenting, in my opinion. And to those who have children, I get to call it parenting. Your opinions are not the only ones.
There were some ridiculous statements made, like ” dogs will never move out” Well people do have to give up pets for a number of reasons, and it’s heart wrenching.
“Dogs don’t grow up and move out”, well neither do special needs children needing care all their lives. Our dogs live much shorter lives than most humans, and it’s devastating to be put in the position of having to ask a vet to give them the final shot. Imagine having to make that choice!
The point is we are all parenting in one way or another, and those of us without human dependents are regularly disrespected by people with children. Both types of parents have to care for, teach, guard and protect, love their dependents whatever species they are.
Parenting is all about love and care taking. Please don’t think because you gave birth to them, they are more important, because I was adopted. Just like my dog basically, I was adopted. Whoever you adopt should become your child in a perfect world.
Be careful being closed minded, you don’t want kids to learn that.
Amanda says
You bring up a very strong point LeeAnna – what about children that are adopted? Does that mean that their adoptive mom isn’t a mom? The ignorance of people amazes me. We are indeed all parenting in one way or another – whether it be a child, a dependent relative, an animal, a younger sibling, etc. I feel sorry for the children of people with closed minds. Actually it’s scary because they are our future!
Jessica Shipman | Beagles & Bargains says
I’m a little miffed by some of the other comments on this post. The world is so full of trolls and people who can only feel good by making others feel bad. In all honesty, I don’t share your desire to not have human children, mostly because I want to go through the challenges just as my mother and father did with me. I want a legacy and I want to pass on strong morality and my love for animals. However, I respect yours and anyone else’s decision to not have children and admire that you know what you want. I think it is incredible that you know what you want and you are being true to yourself. After reading some of the other comments, I looked up the definitions for Mom, Mother, and Parent and what I think it boils down to is that you raise and care for another living being. So Wynston, Khloe, and every other dog, cat, guinea pig you have won’t face the same challenges as a human child, but they don’t have to. They will face different challenges like learning a new trick, competing in agility, or even overcoming separation anxiety. The challenges aren’t what define a mom or parent. The fact that you are caring, supporting, and raising another living thing does.
You. Are. A. Mom.
Amanda says
Hahaha I love you Jessica. The world is indeed full of trolls that feel bad about themselves so they have to put others down. I know some other people also looked up definitions to back me up and came to the same conclusions. Being a mother is exactly what you said – caring for, supporting and raising another living being. You rock 🙂
Emma says
As animal lovers, we want our dogs to live together in a healthy, easy, and mindful way. We treat them like children. I think that’s what defines us as humans.