Depression sucks. Depression really, really sucks. How do I know? I have clinical depression. It runs in my family and unfortunately it’s just one of those things that I was (insert sarcasm) lucky to inherit. Depression is something we don’t talk about enough. People hear the word and they think “Oh my God. That’s so bad. We can’t talk about depression! How DEPRESSING!” Well, okay. That makes zero sense. With all of the social media and internet capabilities in our hands today, it’s my belief that those of us who have suffered from depression should speak out about the struggle and what helps us cope. For me, it’s my dogs.
My Battle with Depression
I first started dealing with depression when my parents got divorced. I was about 17 years old. Looking back, I was definitely more depressed than I let on. I didn’t want people to know I was struggling, but really, there were days when I didn’t even see the point in living. My perfect world had come crashing down as I watched my parent’s seemingly perfect marriage come to a sour end.
That bout of depression lead me to anti-depressants, and they worked! It took a couple of months, but finally I was feeling better. Instead of wanting to isolate myself and crawl into a dark hole, I was beginning to be myself again. I’m glad I had the medications, as my support system was severely lacking.
Since then, I’ve dealt with depression on and off. But the thing is, it comes and goes when it wants. Life can be super great, but I will still fall into the cave of depression. Sometimes major events trigger it, other times it just happens. What many people don’t understand is that people who suffer from depression can’t help it.
That’s right – we really can’t help it.
We’re not sad. We’re not angry. What depression really means is losing interest in things we enjoy. We don’t want to socialize with people we love. Depression is a medical illness and luckily it’s treatable.
The best treatment for me? My dogs.
In January 2015, my brother left for Ft. Benning, GA after being home on leave for two weeks. I was fine when he left because I was going to be flying out to see him a couple of weeks later for his Army basic training graduation. After a very stressful, sad trip to Georgia, I hugged my brother goodbye, not knowing when I would see him again. I walked away with so many unanswered questions; Where was my brother going? Would he be close to home? Can I travel to see him? What’s he going to be doing?
When I got home, I fell into a deep depression. It dragged me under faster than quicksand, and I felt the downward spiral. I wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to do anything. I remember even acknowledging to myself and Matt that depression was kicking my ass, but all I could do was wait. I hadn’t been on anti-depressants for years but I had hope that I’d crawl back out out of my hermit cave, so I didn’t opt to go back on them.
All the while, I still had my dogs. My dogs loved me. My dogs cuddled with me. My dogs didn’t judge me for my sadness and lethargy. Although Matt was 100% supportive of anything I needed, I pushed him away because I was depressed! It came down to wanting to isolate myself again.
I remember Wynston still wanting to spend time with me. He wanted to play like any other day. His spirit was alive and thriving although I was not. He saw me as his mom, no matter how I was feeling.
I would sleep. I would cry. Wynston and Khloee were there. They never put me down. They didn’t tell me to cheer up because I had so much to be grateful for. Trust me, I know I have a lot to be grateful for but guess what? Depression doesn’t care and it gets in the way of any positive emotions.
Society puts this awful stigma on depression, as they do on many other mental and physical illnesses. There are so many different types of depression, and sufferers need help. We don’t need to be discriminated against because we already feel horrible! I have clinical depression. It’s genetic and ongoing, although it’s not consistent (and I’m very thankful for that!). Events like my brother leaving and my parent’s divorce stir up all of the negativity in my mind and it causes the onset of my depression. The case differs from person to person.
What I do know is that although depression isn’t present in my life at this moment, it will be again. I don’t know when, but I’m not going to sit and dwell on it. I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
In the meantime, I have my animals. They get me through everything. Our pets truly love us unconditionally. Whether I’m happy and stress-free or depressed and exhausted, my dogs and cats love me the same.
Animals can be therapy for everyone, no matter what you’ve been through. Dogs, cats, horses, hamsters and bunnies only want to love us. It’s been scientifically proven that animals can lower blood pressure and promote healthier living.
If you’re suffering from depression, just know that you are NOT alone. I bet you anything that someone you know battles some sort of mental illness and you have no idea. If you need help, please get help. Please tell someone. There are many resources that can be of assistance. If anything, I am here for you!!!!
Suicide Prevention: 1-800-273-8255
In loving memory of my friend Eric.
My mom suffered a lot with depression. Growing up, I always felt it was somehow my fault. As an adult I realize, it wasn’t.
I have only gone through depression once and the shrink I saw said it was ‘situational depression’. Small wonder. In a span of a year, I found out my husband was having an affair, plus he was arrested and put in jail for a month for driving drunk for the second time. My beloved father was put in a nursing home for Parkinsons and my invalid mother was suddenly soley my responsibility, my oldest child (who was in her early 20’s) was also put in jail for 4 months for driving drunk without a license and causing an accident. And I was working a job I hated. No wonder I was depressed! Life was very hard during that time and I often wondered if I should just end it all. Having 2 younger children who depended on me kept me hanging in there.
I was put on antidepressants for awhile and weaned myself off of them after about 6 months. Life, though far from perfect, did get better.
Depression feels like an overwhelming heaviness that you just can’t get out from under. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I’m right there with you, Cathy. I wouldn’t wish depression on anyone! I definitely would have fallen back into depression with what you want through! Honestly, I think any normal person would. We aren’t meant to deal with that type of stress. Bless your heart from coming out of all of it as a strong woman!
I, too, have suffered from clinical depression for my entire adult life.I have been on anti-depressants for many, many years – I tried going off meds once or twice but that ended up being disastrous for me. I occasionally fall back into depression – even with meds – but the episodes are nearly as long as without. Throughout it all the animals in my life have kept me getting up out of bed to care for them and have offered their love to me unconditionally. Bless you in your journey. Sabina
I really think there’s also a stigma with anti-depressants. They are SO helpful and really, they are just a powerful stimulant. I wish people would understand that better! I’m super glad they work for you. For me, they’ve been a Godsend. Bless you also, Sabina <3
Amanda, thank you for your transparency! What an amazing testament to how our furry family members can help. As a Nurse Practitioner I try to tell my patients, “Try think of depression as you would hypertension (HTN). Do you feel someone with HTN can just get over it? Would you tell them, you don’t need your HTN medications because it is just mind over matter? Try to remind yourself and treat your depression the same.” You may be exactly the post someone is needing to read. Thank you again!
Depression is difficult for a lot of people to talk about. The point is, like you said, is to possibly help someone who’s reading it. I want others to know they aren’t alone. That’s great what you say about treating depression. It’s really a whole new dynamic for a lot of people who face it for the first time or never face it at all!
I also suffer from situational depression. It seems when my life starts to smooth out here comes something else to bring me back down. Sort of like an emotional roller coaster. I have decided to just stay on a low dose of anti-depressants as I also suffer from anxiety. Glad to know there is someplace to go and chat.
That’s very smart Kathy! I know what you are going through!
I can’t thank you enough for sharing this post. Depression is something most people don’t talk about, because (well for me, it is a loss of control). There are time that I lose interest in everything. I will go days without even checking email, i won’t turn on the computer. If it were up to me I would sleep the day away.When you’re a blogger this is a very bad thing. I try to make myself do things, sometimes the smallest things, just talking the dog for a walk I refuse to see a Dr. for this. What do you do…you do your best to move on. People ask “what’s wrong” you just say you’re tired.
What do you do?
I used to tell people I was tired. With my bout of depression in January 2015, I couldn’t hide it. My best girlfriends knew what was going on. I’d break down and tell them I missed my brother and I just didn’t want to do life! My depression only last about a month that time, and I’m wondering if it’s because I kept talking about it. Thank goodness that people allow me to vent!