I adopted Edison when he was 8 weeks old in September of 2010. He was the first cat I had on my own. I remember how rambunctious he was. He’d never let me sleep. He always wanted to play. Edison gave me a run for my money, and I’d do anything to have him back. Edison ran away almost three years ago and I’m still not over it. I still cry. I’m still grieving. I pray everyday that God will bring him home to me.
Edison ran away on July 22, 2013. Why do I remember the exact date? It was my birthday. He was about three years old at the time. Edison was neutered and by that time, he had given me plenty of scares. He broke his leg in November 2012. After about two months and $1400 later, Edison was back to normal.
When Eddy was approaching a year old, I adopted Sadie in May 2011. Sadie and Edison had an immediate bond. They completed each other. Sadie was six months old, so she wasn’t much younger than Edison. They played together, slept together, laid on the floor together. Edison would literally hug Sadie. I cry thinking about it.
I will never forgive myself for Edison running away. Matt keeps trying to tell me it’s not my fault, but it is. Edison LOVED being outside. I really think he just wanted to be an outdoor cat. When I lived in my studio apartment by myself, Edison would always bring stray cats in. It’s almost like he was saying to them “Oh hey, come on over. My mom will give you food.” And I did. There were always random cats in my apartment. I called Edison the “social worker cat.” He was something special.
Edison was a Turkish Van. He loved water. He liked going in the bathtub. Edison was such a weirdo. The most special weirdo cat I’ve ever known.
The night Edison ran away, he was sitting out on the back patio of our fenced backyard. Matt and I had moved into our house just three days prior. I was laying in bed that night and Matt came to me and said “Edison is on the patio. Should I bring him in or let him stay outside?” I replied with “Just leave the door cracked open and he can stay outside for now.” Biggest mistake of my life.
I never saw Edison again.
I’m not the only one who has suffered from his loss. Sadie was depressed for a looooong time. She sat at the bottom of the stairs for two years and howled every. single. night. So not only do I feel guilty for Edison leaving but I also feel guilty about ruining everything for Sadie.
I had a bond with Edison that I never thought was possible with a cat. Sadie and Edison had an incredible bond as well. I ruined it.
It’s been almost three years. I’ve never gotten over it. There’s no closure. Is he dead or alive? Is he nearby? Did someone take him in? Did he end up in a shelter? I searched for him for months and I STILL search for him. I check shelters everyday, I scour euthanasia lists, I check Facebook lost and found pet groups. I’ve never given up hope and I will probably live the rest of my life wondering what happened.
We do know that there are a lot of feral cats in our neighborhood. Since Eddy loved other cats, I wouldn’t be surprised if he saw another cat, followed it, and got lost. The thing is, all of the cats in our neighborhood are regulars. I see them almost everyday when we take the dogs out. So where did my Edison go? There was a litter of kittens born in a storm drain at the green belt down the street the day after we moved into our home. Did he go to be a daddy cat? I wouldn’t be surprised. He wanted to be outside with other cats. That’s a fact.
I pray to God everyday to bring my Edison home. I’m constantly apologizing to Sadie for losing her brother. I’ve literally done everything I can to find him and I will continue to do so. When he first ran away I’d always go back to my old neighborhood to see if maybe he made his way back there. I put up signs and everything. No luck.
Please don’t tell me I should have kept Edison inside. It would have lessened his quality of life at the time. He always tried to run out the door. Edison wanted to be an outdoor cat. Please don’t tell me I’m a bad pet parent. I’m not. I’ve done everything I can. I continue to exhaust my resources. Edison was so incredibly gorgeous and I wonder if someone took him in for that reason. But then all these fears go through my head. Is he taken care of? Has he been trying to come home? Is he nearby but someone is keeping him from me despite pleas to bring him home? I will never know.
I cry over Edison. I cry all the time. I will never forgive myself. Ever. I would give a limb to have my boy back.
I’ve been crying while writing this whole post. I’m sorry Edison. I love you.