In the world we live in, a lot of people around me are getting married, having kids or both. While Matt and I are set to get married on 12/29/16, I’m completely uninterested in the kid part. I don’t care about pregnancy photos that I see all over Facebook and when I see a baby or small child, I definitely don’t gravitate toward it. In fact, I will run the other way.
It’s funny because most of my friends are dog moms. We have all opted for a similar lifestyle – a spouse and animals. I met most of them through agility or animal acting, and I feel so blessed to have many female friends in their late 20s, early 30s who understand why I’ve made the choices I have. We never question each other.
Let’s be real – I’m selfish and I admit it. But wait, is wanting a nice retirement fund and not having to worry about my kid hating me for 18 years being selfish?! Just sayin’, I like having a large savings account.
Matt and I get up and go whenever we want. We travel to California frequently, and on a whim we can decide to take a trip or go on a date without worrying about a baby sitter. We always have time for each other and to work on our relationship. I love enjoying life with him…and our dogs.
A lot of people have argued that “women were put on this earth to reproduce. It’s a woman’s duty to have children.” I’m sorry but this is the 21st century. Actually, I’m not sorry. As a strong independent woman with rights, I know that I was NOT put on this earth for childbearing. I am a believer in God and a spiritual woman and I know that my duty in this lifetime is to save the lives of innocent animals and speak for those who don’t have a voice. I’m glad that I can make the CHOICE to not have human children.
I’m still a mom, however. I have 5 kids. They just happen to have paws. They depend on me for food, health care, mental and physical exercise, love, happiness…all those things that human children need, but without the braces or car. Animals won’t scream at you or beg you for those shoes that they just HAVE TO HAVE. They won’t tell me I’m a horrible mother or slam the door in my face. In fact, my animals will love and appreciate me unconditionally until the day they pass on. And that means more to me than anything.
My dad will argue that I need to have children so they can carry on my legacy. In 2013 he took my brother and I to Hawaii. It was an amazing trip and we got to visit Pearl Harbor which was a really big deal for me because I’m a history fiend. So one day my dad says to me “You have to have kids so you can take them places like Pearl Harbor and say ‘Look! There’s Pearl Harbor!’ You can’t do that with dogs!” Uhhh…yes I can. I was 24 when I visited Pearl Harbor so I appreciated every second of it. Kids don’t flippin’ care. I could take Wynston to Pearl Harbor and he’d be thrilled! Why? Because he’s happy wherever he’s with me. When I watched Wyn take his first steps on the beach in sand, I took videos and photos just as a human mom would. I still get to enjoy all of those moments – and for each one, I know my dogs will be happy.
My mom, on the other hand, came the realization a long time ago that I won’t have kids. Honestly, she really appreciates it. She told me one day that people ask her if she wants grandchildren – her reply is something along the lines of “No, not really. I’m happy with the way everything is now.” Mom, you rock. Thanks for not pressuring me into have baby humans, and for treating my dogs like they are your grandchildren. Because, well, they are!
I hate when people ask me “When are you going to have kids?!” It really irritates me. All I say is “never.” Typically they don’t ask anymore questions. But the worst is when people say “OMG you will change your mind!!!!!!” That’s so rude. Don’t presume to tell me what I will and will not do.
Every woman has the right to make a choice on whether they want to have children or not. We don’t have to get married, have 5 kids and be a housewife. We can be whatever we want to be. Me? I’m a pet blogger and a dog mom. I’m a girlfriend, daughter, friend, sibling, neighbor…the list goes on. Why judge me on my decision to have human children?
So when people ask me “so do you have any kids?” I reply with “Yes I do! Five actually!” Then they look at me like I’m nuts until I follow up with “…but they all have paws!” They REALLY look at me like I’m nuts after that. And guess what? I don’t feel guilty about being the prime age to have children and not wanting them. It’s my God given right and I’m going to live it up.
Lara Elizabeth says
Now that I’m nearing 40 and single, people have stopped asking me about kids or telling me I’m going to change my mind when I say I don’t want them. They’ve accepted that I’m the Crazy Dog Lady and It’s a big relief!
Amanda says
I’m looking forward to the day that people accept that from me! Luckily my close group of friends and family has accepted it, which is the most important anyways!
Cathy says
I respect your decision not to feel pressured to have kids. I was your age in the mid-80’s and it was very different then.
I felt a lot of pressure to get married even though I now know I’m the type of person who is happier being single. And I felt pressure to have kids and I had 3. I don’t regret having my kids (who are all grown now in their 20’s) but if I were a young woman in today’s world, i would have never had them.
I was just not strong enough back then to fight peer pressure, societal pressure and pressure from my parents.
Amanda says
That completely makes sense Cathy. Times have definitely changed. It’s rare to find a women around her 50’s who doesn’t have kids (I say 50’s because my mom just turned 54 and her 3 kids are grown). But as I approach 50, I know that it will be much more common to be childless. Societal pressure can still weigh very heavily on me, especially when I see a lot of people around me having children. But I stay true to myself and what I want! My dad likes to bring it up but I just ignore him LOL.
Sabina Ayne says
I am 55 and unmarried and have 5 children – all with paws!! When i was in my 20s and 30s I belonged to a church and the pressure to get married and have children was INTENSE. So much so I left – for that and other reasons. Now, 20+ years later I do not regret not marrying and not having children. My life is as I want it to be and full of love. I think each woman has to make the choice of marriage and/or children on her own. and I support whatever decision they make!
Amanda says
I’m so happy to hear that you didn’t conform to the pressure. A lot of the time I hear “You’ll regret not having kids” but the people I know who chose not to have kids, don’t regret it at all. I feel like my life is full also – I don’t need human children to fulfill me.
Z says
I admire this post and the confidence that it exudes! People find it hard to accept that I am in my 30’s, am married for 8 years and don’t have kids. We love our dogs just as unconditionally as they love us and my husband and I are very happy. Although society has come a long way, I still find it stressful and exhausting to answer the ‘when do you plan to have kids’ question! Thanks for representing those of us who choose to have a family with paws!
Amanda says
It’s sad that we as strong women have to work through other people’s acceptance. It’s also up to us strong women to spread the word about our right to NOT have children! I also find it stressful and exhausting to be answering the dreaded questions. That’s a great way to describe my feelings. Glad you’re in there with me!
Jen Gabbard says
I’ve never understood the need/want to make anyone feel guilty for not having children. I’m glad to see it seems to appear that it’s becoming more widely recognized as a personal choice (thankfully) rather than just a decision made by a few. My dad did ask a few times if I was going to have any children but luckily he dropped it soon after I told him it’s not in my plans. If someday I were to wake up magically and have a ‘mothering instinct’ maybe I’ll change my mind – but I’m pretty doubtful that will happen. Glad to know your family is awesome about it and thanks for spreading the word – it is a personal choice, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.
kimberley says
Kids are kids, whether they have skin, fur, feathers, scales! <3
kimberley says
also, good for you for standing up for what you know is best for you and your furfamily!
DZ Dogs says
We’re in the same boat as you guys! We just don’t want little human kids, honestly though it is rude for people to even ask. What if you were trying to have kids but couldn’t? I’ve started telling people it’s rude, and none of their business what is going on in my/our sex life.
Seriously, guys, nunya business.
I have a friend who struggled for 4 years to get pregnant, they just couldn’t do it naturally and ended up going through a clinic for help. Now they have a beautiful baby, but every time someone asked it really hurt her because they couldn’t. So I guess i’ve started to take offense to the question in general.
I wrote about our kids in a post a while back. I bet you’d love it!
http://www.dzdogs.com/2015/01/dogs-vs-children.html
Amanda says
You bring up a really good point – what if I was trying to have a kid but just couldn’t?! What if I had been trying for a while and it wasn’t happening? Others don’t realize how disrespectful it is to put someone on the spot like that and make assumptions. It’s not anyone’s business but our own. I feel so sad that your friend had to go through that struggle and deal with rude, ignorant people. I’m going to check out your post!
Julie says
Awesome post! I just turned 28, I have 2 furbabies, and my partner both agree we dont want kids.
This post really hit home for me, and I am glad that it’s not just me.
Thanks so much for writing this !
Amanda says
I’m so happy to hear that you and your partner are on the same page! That’s SO important. I bet your furbabies are absolutely precious and bring you so much happiness, as mine do for me. You aren’t alone in the way you feel, and after I wrote this post I found out that a lot of women think like we do! They are just afraid to speak up because of societal standards, which is really disappointing.
Christina Berry says
Gotta be honest. I’m mom to both the 2-legged and 4-legged variety and honestly, my dogs have brought me more unbridled joy and happiness than my human son ever has. That might sound harsh to say, and let me be clear that I do love my son with my whole heart and I would do anything for him (like giving up my own job, friends, and a lot of my freedom to take care of him after he became disabled), but I’ve always had a much softer heart for dogs and cats than for kids.
I applaud you for making this decision for yourself. Just as some people would never own a dog because they’re not a “dog person”, I believe it’s fine for a woman (OR a man) to not be a “baby person”. Parenting a human is a hard, often thankless job, and not everyone is cut out for it. There’s no shame in that. In fact, I believe the ability to know what’s best for you is commendable.
Amanda says
I’m glad you can be so honest Christina! There is absolutely no shame in that. I’m sure you do absolutely love your son. Animals just offer a different, more unconditional approach to love that can’t be compared. I definitely don’t think I’m cut out for parenting a human child. Just the thought makes me cringe.
Lauren Miller (ZoePhee) says
Great post! I’m 30 and don’t have any human children yet, either. I’m not a huge fan of them tbh! I love my dogs, though!! They are pretty much my whole life.
Taryn says
I’m 55 and skipped the whole kid thing as well. I have yet to regret that decision! With the state of the world as it is today, I am even happier with that choice….pollution, terrorism, over-population, the earth’s diminishing resources, all the awful things humans are capable of……..I don’t mean to sound so negative, but I am very glad I am not worrying about the future my children/grandchildren would face!
My life is very satisfying as it is with dogs! And, yep, I’ve got a kick-ass retirement fund 😉
Amanda says
Taryn you bring up a point that I should have mentioned in my post – society is scary now! The world is running out of resources, war is upon us and social media is causing some serious issues with kids now. I can’t imagine raising a child in this world. You are right about everything. I’m happy to hear you haven’t regretted your choice…and you’ll get to enjoy that retirement fund without worry!
Talent Hounds says
Your fur kids are very cute. My 2 human kids call Kilo “the favourite child” X Susie and Kilo the Pug
Diane says
We have been together for 10 years, and have 3 cats. I have never wanted human children. Everyone told me my views would change but I am almost 32(!) and I want kids even less than before it its even possible. The world isn’t going to end because I didn’t produce another human but so many people act like it when they hear we don’t want children. I work hard so my cats (and future dogs) can have a good life 😛
Amanda says
Isn’t that the truth!!! I get really irritated when people say “oh you are still young! You’ll change your mind!” It is so annoying! People definitely make it seem like the world is going to end if every woman doesn’t reproduce. Good gracious.
Karen says
i just turned 30 this last week and I think people are finally realizing that I have been serious for the last six+ years when I said I had no interest in having children. I don’t think you’re being selfish by not wanting children. You’ve taken the time to really examine yourpeersonalitand found that children aren’t for you. What about the people who have kids just because they think they are supposed to reproduce, then end up unhappy? I don’t want the responsibility of raising another person, their hopes, dream, crafting their personality; it’s not for me.
My pup more than enough fur baby for me.
Amanda says
You’re absolutely right Karen. I don’t want to have a kid due to pressure then end up unhappy, or telling myself that I shouldn’t have had kids. And who knows what kind of child you could end up with – they could grow up to be a serial killer! No thanks. I’ll pass on that responsibility.
Beth | Daily Dog Tag says
I’m glad we live in a time when people can follow their hearts and be true to themselves. While I chose to have children (and am very glad that I did), I completely respect another’s person to not have any.
Annette says
Reading your blog is interesting but I thought it was about dogs with tracia cal laps and how to enrich their lives. Not about how you don’t want children. I have both. Children who are now adult-4 and rescue dogs and cat.
Amanda says
This post is about how my dogs are my children. This blog inspires dog moms to live life how THEY want to live.